Alcoholism 2

I woke up from coma wondering what had happened to me. "I am going to die, what have I done to myself." "Does my mother know?" She will kill me. "I am so SCARED!" Most kids my age, who only had their grandma and grandpa never knew what it was like to have a great-grandmother. Not only was she the best great grandma but she also played the role of a mother. To me I consider her to be an angel sent from heaven, to show some of us a few lessons about life. Her name was Josephine Catalici, an Italian woman born in Naples, Italy in 1906. She died this past summer. She was about 5'5" and very beautiful. She was good hearted, gentle, devoted, and open handed in everything she did. Josephine was always out to help someone in need. She considered other people to be first priority. She was the type of person who was almost perfect, always pleasing someone else and making one feel proud of themselves. My great-grandmother was the type of person to bring out the best in everyone. As a child, I needed that because my home had its ups and downs. My parents were separated and I had been living with my mother. She was a young parent and did things that most mother did not. For instance, as a child she would leave me alone and sometimes physically abuse me. Therefore, I sometimes had a hard time understanding why she treated me so differently. On the other hand, I always received my explanations from my great-grandmother whom I called "Mema". I am not the only individual who considered her to be this type of caring person. Everyone that had known her, thought she was remarkable. Unfortunately, she started getting ill and during her times of need, I took care of her. in this time frame I knew that she was going to leave me soon. I was fourteen and dealing with a lot of changes in my life. I wish Josephine did not have to be one of those changes. Although, she was, but the good thing, is that she died without suffering. She was never afraid of death because she considered it to be another continuation of life. However, I could not deal with the pain of being without my great-grandmother. I am now in eighth grade, not too happy to be here. But I know that I have to go to school. I felt like nothing. My mother will not stop beating me. I don't want to live anymore. My grades are dropping in school. In result of, principle has called my mother because I am getting into so much trouble. Why me? I asked. Why can't I just die to be with my great-grandmother? I wanted nothing more than to be with her. I was not afraid of death. That is because I know she is there for me. Well, I thought it over how can I do this so no one will suspect that I am losing my mind. "Hey Brandie, do you want to go to this party we are having for Kelly this Saturday?" Sure, I'll be there. No one will know what I am thinking. I will be going to this party this Saturday whether my mother likes it or not. She will not stop me. Like I said, my mother tried to stop me but it did not work. I went anyway. I arrived at about 8:00 p.m. So many people are here. How are you all doing tonight? Is there anything to drink? I asked. Well, a few people that I knew were bringing some alcohol. So, I made a plan to go to the park around the block and drink with a few people. After about an hour, I was drunk. At that time I did not know that I was drinking so much. I was drinking straight vodka like it was water. I was having invasions that I was with my great-grandmother. I felt great! It was such a feeling. Someone yelled to me, "The cops are coming run." I turned so fast and was running into the darkness of the night. I woke up, "Where the fuck am I, what am I doing here, where is my mother, why me, why do I have to live?" All these questions came to my mind when I had awoken from my coma. I was so frightened by this. Not that I was in the hospital, but what my mother was going to do to me. I can not remember what had happened to me after I started to run from the cops. Let me tell you what my friends told me. They found I at 3:00 am in the middle of a basketball court (the worst park in town), unconscious. I was wearing a tank top and shorts, in November. The boys who had found me said that I was choking on my vomit and I almost froze to death. The doctor told me that I was so close to dying that evening. I said to myself, "Why am I still living then, didn't you want me to be with you?". He said that I could have frozen to death, choked on my vomit, been raped, had alcohol poisoning and never waking from coma. It was a miracle the doctor said. I don't understand, why was I so close and it did not happen. There must have been a reason. Well, I have learned from this experience. I have learned that you do not have to kill yourself to be with someone who had died. They are there with you all the time as long as you have faith. In order to survive in the world today one must keep their faith in God and strive for your dreams and one should have happiness in some way.